Dear Mom and/or Dad,

Before anything else, we want you to know that we see you.

We know that adoption is not simply a story about a family growing. It can also be a story of loss, sacrifice, love, and an incredibly difficult decision. We cannot pretend to know exactly what this experience feels like for you, but we can promise to respect it. We will never forget that the child we may someday welcome into our family first belongs to you, and that choosing adoption does not mean choosing an easy path.

If our paths bring us together, we want you to know that we are not looking to erase either of you from your child’s story. Quite the opposite. We hope to make room for you in whatever way feels right for you.

Our own family has taught us that love doesn’t have to fit into neat boxes. Our children's lives have been touched by divorce, remarriage, and blended families, and we have learned firsthand that a child is never worse off because they have more people who love them. We have worked hard to build healthy relationships with the people who share in our children’s lives, and we believe that the more people surrounding a child with genuine love and support, the better.

If you want to send letters, celebrate birthdays together, share holidays, exchange pictures, have phone calls, or simply know how your child is doing, we want to listen. If you need more space, we will respect that too. Whether you both want to be involved, one of you wants to be involved, or your circumstances make that difficult, we want to meet you where you are. We want any relationship we build to be based on trust, honesty, and whatever level of connection feels healthy for everyone involved.

Most of all, we want you to know that if you entrust us with your child, we will never take that gift for granted. We will tell them about you. We will honor where they came from. We will make sure they know they were loved deeply from the very beginning.

We don't know where our story will lead, but we hope that if it leads us to each other, it can be a story built on love—not replacement. There is room in our family for the people who love this child, too.

With love,

Ian & Stephanie